


The Zodiac Lover

by SeahorseTrash



Category: Homestuck
Genre: I Blame Tumblr, M/M, Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer, teddy bear, wake me up inside
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 20:50:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6625771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeahorseTrash/pseuds/SeahorseTrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I honestly have no excuse or explanation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Zodiac Lover

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inkpink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkpink/gifts).



When Sollux heard the news of Eridan’s new “Snugglemuffin”, he wasn’t sure if he was sad or angry—or both. He couldn't believe ED had left him for that orange bastard. Eridan used to call him his Snugglemuffin. It wasn't fair.

But alas, nothing was fair in love and politics.

If Eridan wanted to date a crusty politician, Sollux figured two could play at that game. He had his own private dream bubble with a republican. The best republican.

Rafael Edward "Ted" Cruz 2k16. TrusTED.

The walls of Ted’s lair were like an evidence board, hundreds of feet of red string connecting various astronomical signs. Some of them were crossed out in dark red. A beautiful portrait of him hung in the middle. It was a high-quality sketch, but they got his nose all wrong.

Ted had his back turned, gazing out the window. He whipped around when he heard Sollux’s shuffling footsteps, a wild look in his eyes.

“Oh, it’s just you, Sollux,” he said, letting out a sigh of relief and wiping a drop of sweat off his brow. “I thought it was...never mind. Come, have a seat.” He patted his knee like a mall Santa. Sollux obliged, curling up in his lap. Ted could sense something was wrong. “Is there something bothering you, Sollux?” he asked.

“You know ED, right?” 

“The Aquarius? Yes, I have heard of him,” he said. “He’s a slippery one…” he mumbled to himself.

“Well, he...he left me for some asshole with a combover and fake tan,” Sollux confessed, a tinge of annoyance in his voice. “Calls him ‘Snugglemuffin’. I’d honestly rather not talk about it right now.”

“That's okay,” Ted told him, “you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“There is something else I've been meaning to bring up, though,” Sollux said. He had been thinking about this for a long time, and the loose ends were finally coming together as he eyed the walls. He followed the strings that connected to symbols, leading him to the center of it all. “I know what you are,” he whispered. “I’ve seen the memes.”

“Say it. Don’t be afraid.”

Sollux had sensed the sociopathic vibe one received when Ted walked, talked, and breathed. Cruz was the kind of guy that made you want to check the closet, under the bed, and make sure the doors were locked. 

“You’re the Zodiac Killer,” Sollux declared, the last syllables hanging in the air between them. His raspy voice echoed through the hollow room that was Ted’s lair.

Ted grew silent, his expression hardening. “You can’t tell anyone about this, Sollux, or else they’ll disqualify me from the election. We wouldn’t want that to happen.”

“You mean, it’s true?” Sollux asked, looking up into Ted’s big brown doe eyes. “You wouldn’t kill me, would you?”

“I would never!” Ted cooed, running his fingers through Sollux’s hair. “Who would vote for me?” He chuckled. 

“I’ll always vote for you, Teddy Bear,” Sollux promised, fiddling with the lapels of Ted’s suit. “Even if you are a serial killer.” He leaned his head on Ted’s chest. “I just wish it wasn't so difficult to find times to be together.”

“Oh, Sollux,” Ted sighed, “you know how I love it when you visit me—you are much more tolerable than Heidi—but as you know, I’ve been quite busy with the election.” He frowned, seeming stressed. “I don’t have as much time as I used to, and I deeply regret not being able to see you more often.”

“I do too, I think it’s pretty important to focus on your work,” Sollux said, “especially if it’s something as pivotal as running for president. You know, you never did tell me exactly what a president was. I get that it's sort of a leader, but there’s a lot of different kinds of leaders.”

“I suppose it's comparable to your Alternian Empress,” Ted explained. “ Although, the President is a less...tyrannical position. Instead of being born into royalty or leadership, the presidential candidates have to build themselves up, proving their worth to the people. The people of our country vote for who they want as their leader.”

“That sounds complicated.”

“It does seem like a tedious process,” he agreed, “but it's worth it. For the sake of a fair government, we will go to such lengths.”

“Who else is running?” Sollux asked. “I mean, besides you and that robot Rubio guy.”

Ted laughed. “Well, let’s see. My main threats are Trump and Kasich, of course, because we are all trying to become the republican nominee, but only one will win. Then you have Bernie and Hillary to worry about on the other side.”

The mere mention of Donald Trump made Sollux’s stomach twist in knots. “I hope you win. I don't like those guys.”

“That Mr. Trump is a stubborn man,” Ted said. “He won’t be easy to beat, but I think we can do it.”

“We?” Sollux raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, Sollux,” Ted confirmed. “We! We will reignite the promise of America together! Cruz to victory!”

(Wake me up inside)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by inkpink's "Building Walls Around Your Heart"


End file.
